Put away your Dukes

The pop culture prophets predict that Warner Bros. will release a feature film of “The Dukes of Hazzard” sometime next year. First in the admissions line sure to snake the streets leading to his local movie theatre is a young man in the deep Northeast. A set of steer horns graces the hood of his early-eighties Cadillac. Last seen piloting his beloved steel behemoth through suburbia, he champions the principles of primetime’s past.

Hey, guy with the dead bull’s sexual calling card taxing his vehicle’s front end, listen up:

Boss Hogg is a false idol. Bo and Luke Duke stir demons within your soul. For God’s sake, suburban redneck, lose the bling-bling and repent. Get a normal hood ornament and go get laid.