Tuesday, August 03, 2004

Apparently, Ralph Nader really is an a-hole

A friend of mine once told me, and I've always suspected it. Apparently, Ralph Nader really is an asshole.

It's not just me. Lots of people think it. Hell, even Bob Weir, high priest of the '60s pop culture left, now says it. To wit, absorb the following, gleaned from the August 2nd New York Daily News:
The Grateful Dead's Bob Weir is pleading with Deadheads everywhere not to vote
for Ralph Nader. Performing on Saturday in Boston, Weir told the band's
followers to be sure to vote, but then exorted, "Don't vote for Nader. I know
him. He's an a--hole," our spies tell us. The band then broke into "Johnny B.
Goode," a theme song of the Kerry-Edwards campaign ...
That's right. Read it again. Bob Weir, the late Jerry Garcia's right-hand man, has finally said what a bunch of us have been saying for a while: Ralph Nader is an asshole.

It's amazing, isn't it? I bet it makes you want to throw away all your "Dick's Picks" bootlegs, doesn't it?

Feel free to share this new information with all your friends at the underground college radio meeting. The implications are enormous, you ecstacy-popping, some-university-in-Vermont-attending, ailing-15-year-old-Saab-900-from-mommy-with-a-mountain-bike-on-top-driving faux hippie on the eight-year college plan who feigns a nuanced understanding of the political process in this country.

I know. Last time you thought it was hip to vote for Nader. "All the cool people are doing it," you told your fellow pot heads, back in the day, as you ate your couscous-centric meal sans meat.

Well, lay off the THC for a little while so I can lay it on ya'. Nader has absolutely no chance of winning this time around. He'll only hurt John Kerry's chances. In fact, guess what? A vote for Nader will...drum roll, please...keep George W. Bush in power.

If you're still unconvinced, just remember: Nader is now, officially, an asshole. Bobby Weir says so. Oh, did I mention that Weir's a vegetarian pot head, just like you? Yeah, dude. It's that authentic.

If Bush wins because of you, the rebelling twit living off the family trust fund, I hope he shuts down your stupid radio station. I can't stand the stupid music it plays, anyway. And I only wish Bush then replaces your stupid little underground radio station with "24-7 Rush Limbaugh."