Imaginary relationships
 
Wouldn't you know it? More than 10 years ago, science isolated the mathematical concepts ruling romance:
 
The Complex Theory of Relationships
 
I wish someone had told me about this sooner. With these apparently widely known findings at my disposal, surely I could have turned my own romantic relationship around long before its imaginary numbers' coordinates plunged irretrievably into the negative quadrants of love.
 
(Look, man...you gotta read the link's contents to grasp the sarcasm.)